(**I didn’t really mean to talk only about drinking in this post. Maybe I should think long and hard about that. Or maybe I should just have a drink.)
In honor of the annual spring football game at my alma mater, I’d like to address a common problem affecting the large majority of my newly-parented friends: The Art of Tailgating: With Children It’s no secret that I’m an alumna of Penn State – a very large and storied University with a legendary football program and an even more legendary tailgating and game-day culture. It’s also no secret that I spent five football seasons at Penn State, and only missed one home game (that’s 31 out 32 possible games attended – I counted – thanks Wiki!). It’s also no secret that as soon as I was legally able (oh who are we kidding here) I tailgated like a champion before each and every one of those games. As we grew more dedicated and experienced with our tailgating habits, as we morphed from freshmen, to seniors, to distinguished alums, we moved on from embarrassingly cheap and watery beer, to less cheap rum (but still cheap – I didn’t say good rum) and cokes, to better beer, to boxed wine, to bloody mary’s complete with garnishes… and the food improved too.
And lo and behold, we all seem to have gotten married and pregnant. And there goes a perfectly good football season of drinking. And then you’re nursing, and there goes the next football season. And if you’re me – you find yourself pregnant again. And before you know it, you haven’t enjoyed football season the way it’s meant to be enjoyed since 2007. Holy Crap.
But ladies – don’t fret, rejoice! There is, indeed, a way to hold on to a smidge of your classy Beast-soaked past! And of course. I’ll give you some options. That’s the kind of sister I am.
Option #1: Take the baby to the tailgate/game with you. I would not really recommend this option if your number one goal is to have actual fun. Not that sharing the day with the baby isn’t fun in its own right – because it is – but it is a much different kind of fun.
I challenge you to find a place to change a baby’s diaper in Beaver Stadium. Also – remember how packed that place is? Now try standing in those bleachers with a baby strapped to your chest. Tell me how much fun you’re having now, bitches.
(Note – taking potty-trained, actual food-eating children to a game might be a different experience. I don’t know, I’m too freaking scared for life from this experience.)
Option #2 – Tailgate at home.
Wow, how much fun is that? Well – to start, there’s no line to pee. And if you spill guacamole on yourself before half-time, you can go put your yoga pants on. Assuming that you weren’t wearing them to begin with, which we know you were. And the beer stays cold. And people will deliver food to your house. So all in all, not such a bad deal. And you get to go to bed on time. Like maybe 8:30 or so.
Option #3 – Leave the kids at home. To me, this is it. But like I said, I haven’t been to a game in a REALLY.LONG.TIME. Check back for awesome photographic evidence this fall. Something along the lines of…