Mommy Fail #42 billion and 12.
One day your child will bring home one of these from school.
And you will ask her, with interest (because seriously, what the hell?), to tell you all about it. And she will exclaim, “You SHAKE IT Mommy, SHAKE IT UP!”
Turns out that it’s a simple enough craft project: a paper towel roll, covered in tape, decorated with marker, and filled with rice and dried beans. Ya know, so you can SHAKE IT UP. And it makes a noise. And anyone under the age of 4 thinks that this is pretty damn amazing. And you will think it’s amazing, too. Because it keeps her busy while you’re making dinner, and changing the baby, and doing 8 million things. And then this happens:
And it’s not so amazing anymore. Sweetly, gently, “Mommy. There’s a big mess. I MADE A BIG MESS.” I wish I had taken a picture of that. Oops. I could take a picture of the rice and lentils in the Dyson canister (because I’m too lazy to empty it) – but I’ll spare you. I had to vacuum rice up immediately, because I have a crawler that eats everything. And everyone got strapped into their highchairs and had a nutritious dinner of goldfish crackers and puffs while I continued to vacuum. So it was basically a great night for the kids.
Moral of the story: when your kid brings one of these home, distract them, and then THROW IT AWAY. For the love of God.