No such thing as a stupid question.

Right?  That’s what your third grade teacher drilled into you, yes?  And I’m here to tell you, that in the mommy-world, it’s absolutely true.  I can’t tell you how many stupid questions about pregnancy, babies, toddlers, hormones, poop, teething, chicken nuggets, etc. I’ve asked in the last 3 years.  It’s been A LOT OF QUESTIONS.  Normally I do some digging first.  Sometimes I reach out in despair.  But my point is, you have to reach out.  Ask your question.  Please.  Because you are never alone.  And no matter if you’re asking your sister or your mom or your college roomie or that girl you knew in high school – someone’s been right where you are, and probably has the answer. Or a shoulder to vent on.

For example:

My big girl is potty training.  We’re a daycare family.  Which means if she has an “accident” (dude – she knows what she’s doing. please.) at 9am – those icky clothes will be sitting around allllll day in her cubby, then her backpack, then my laundry bin, until I get a chance to toss ’em into the wash that night.  The teachers wrap the dirty clothes in plastic bags, which is fine, but a little messy.  So I posed the following question to my personal facebook page for ideas of a better way to do this.  Because today, was not our best potty day today, and honest to betsy, that was one hot mess that I had to deal with.

Wet clothes are gross. How do I fix this?

Some suggestions were sending ziplocs to school for the wet clothes to come home in, search etsy, specific brands of wet bags and where to buy, offers to post for other friends…

So anyway – you can see that my friends 1) are awesome 2) don’t ridicule me for having a poopy kid and 3) know their shit.  {pun}  Which means I get a few of these to save the day.

Super cute, right?

Also, to my working momma friends – please add this to the list of stuff that you eventually will need for daycare.  A really great thing too, if you have a kid that’s prone to blow outs.   So there you go.  A little help from my friends, to yours.  Making this whole motherhood thing a little less WTF.

JC Penney – ugly clothes, uglier philosophy

When I saw this shirt, I almost threw up in my mouth.  As an educated female, an advocate for math and science education (for all kids, but especially girls), and a mother of two young daughters – this made me want to bang my head into a concrete wall.

JC Penney thinks girls are stupid. NOT OK.

And thankfully, as a result of other like-minded mothers losing their freaking minds, JC Penney has smartly pulled this shirt from their racks.

Now if we could only work on getting rid of pants with words on the ass, life would be sweet.

This makes your ass look bigger. Just saying.

Moms of daughters unite: stop buying this crap for you kid, so my kids don’t start thinking it’s right.  Otherwise, I’ll have to resort to petty name-calling and snap judgments about you.  (i.e., – her mommy wants her to be a working girl.  and not the kind of working girl with the corner office and the $500 shoes she bought herself.)

 

 

YABS has NOTHING to wear!

 Do you have a daily uniform?  Your go-to-wardrobe preferences?  Whether you’re a stay-at-home-mom (chief domestic engineer) or a work-out-of-home-mom (lucky lady gets to scarf down lunch at a desk in peace) – you probably have a typical daily uniform.  Or am I the only one? 

The Morning Rush

I wonder every single day if I am the only crazy person in the world trying to get two babies and myself clean, dressed, and out the door by 7:30am…

I mean, I know that I’m not – because I see the other moms screeching into the daycare parking lot at 7:45 right next to me.  We exchange rushed smiles as we hurriedly wipe the Nutella-and-Waffle (eaten in the car of course) smudges from our munchkins cheeks as we nudge them into school.  And by nudge, I mean NUDGE – every day, I’m coming up with a new way to hurry my dawdling toddler down the hall and into her class:

What’s the Opposite of Blister in the Sun?

Hint – it’s more Casper than Bronzed Goddess.

The Environmental Working Group (EWG) released their 2011 Sunscreen Results today, confusing consumers with the multi-level rating system and scaring the bejesus out of paraben-fearing Moms. 

Here’s my sisterly advice, with a little dose of chemical engineer and environmentalist, but mostly sisterly.  First, I am not a doctor.  Second, I am not a doctor. 

I think I misunderstood Tyra when she told me to look “FIERCE”…

Show me a Mom with perfectly coiffed and colored hair, groomed eyebrows, manicured nails, smooth legs, and no panty-lines, other than a Real Housewife of Wherever or Reese Witherspoon.  Go ahead, I dare you.  Find her and bring her to me.  So that I can prove that she’s a Stepford-Robot-Wife.  (Guilty pleasure folding laundry movie.)
 
This is one part of motherhood that I am seriously failing miserably at: keeping after myself in a way that wouldn’t make Tim Gunn say, “Oh, HONEY”. 
 
There’s a part of me that longs for my pre-husband and pre-baby days of spending upwards of $200 on a haircut, highlights and blow-out.  There were days of yore when I had a standing bi-weekly appointment with a favorite manicurist, followed by a trip to Hollywood for a warm, bronze glow.  There were times when I didn’t have to wear pants for weeks on end in 80 degree weather, because, well – if I am lucky enough to get a 10 minute shower – I am going to shampoo my hair, not bust out the Venus. 
 
I most definitely look back on those days longingly – missing the indulgent and carefree aspect of my past life.  But more often than not, my gut says – OH MY GOD.  YOU IDIOT.  DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DIAPERS THAT ONE HAIRCUT COULD BUY??!! 
 
These days, I’m faced with “budgeting for beauty”. 

Q&A: Pump up the jam.

Our first Q&A from a long-time and extremely loyal reader: 
**disclaimer: As she may or may not be related to me, she may or may not have the distinct “choice” to be anything but a long-time and extremely loyal reader.  Choice is such a strong word…**
 
Dear Awesome Big Sister:
Help!!!
I, of course, need some. What else is new?!
This time regarding pumping after the baby is born… I’m trying to decide what I want to do about buying a pump now that the various baby showers are all done.  One thought I had was to buy a single electric pump (I found a highly rated Medela one for $120) and start pumping right away, in the hopes that I could store enough over the summer to not have to pump at all when I come back to work but still give the baby breast milk for an additional 2-3 months. Does that seem like a dumb idea? Should I just go with something like the one that K got and consider it less expensive than formula anyway? I feel like if I want to dedicate myself to this once I go back to work, I need to buy the double electric expensive one otherwise it won’t be efficient enough.
Love,
Blondie**
 
**disclaimer #2: I may or may not have assigned a permanent Blog Identity Disguise to this person.  Again, “disguise” is such a strong word…**
 
Dear Blondie, 
 

The first hint of spring.

So I’m not going to get all GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL YA’LL  on you – but have you noticed that the past few years, we’ve had very little spring?  As in, one day it’s March and raining and cold, and the next day feels like the middle of August, all hot and muggy and gross and you feel like you missed spring? 

Is that just me?

Anyway – tonight was a spring-like evening.  Very bright and mild.  We had a nice dinner, where the Big Girl ACTUALLY ATE FOOD and the Little Girl wasn’t screaming like a maniac – and there was enough daylight left to go outside and play!!  And there is one thing that never fails to keep everyone entertained, one thing that makes both girls shriek with joy, one thing that never gets old:  BUBBLES. 

I wish I videoed it.  I wish I could remember to get out the little camera-thing in the middle of a massive two-baby giggle-fest with bubbles everywhere.  But I don’t.  I just enjoy it. 

But seriously, bubbles.  Everyone loves bubbles. 

So now, my two magic moves in parenting:

1. When in doubt – take their socks off.  It distracts them and calms you down.  What’s cuter than baby feet?

2. When in doubt – bring on the bubbles.  It distracts them and calms you down.  Seriously, don’t you love bubbles?

Consignment Queens

In the world of Mommy-hood, the thrill of new baby stuff wears thin pretty quickly.  When you are expecting your first baby, you do the registry thing – a MUCH more stressful version of the wedding registry.   Researching and evaluating car seat safety ratings is much more nerve-wracking then, say, selecting the largest margarita glasses you can get your hands on.   But anyway – then the baby comes.  And you learn that, while your *best friend’s baby* LOVED the swing – your baby screams bloody murder every time you walk past the swing.  And you learn that your baby hates the bouncy.  And you learn that your stroller isn’t as practical as you’d hoped.  And you learn that babies only wear clothes a few times, if ever, before they outgrow them.  And you learn that no matter how big your house is, the baby stuff seems to be EVERYWHERE!!!  You learn a lot.  Once you get the hang of all of this “learning” (aka – the baby screams, you learn something new in order to survive) – you start to realize WHAT A HUGE WASTE OF MONEY AND PLASTIC all this baby crap is. 

Enter the world of consignment shopping.  I LOVE consignment shopping.  Every spring and fall, like clockwork, all of the big children’s consignment sales are held – allowing you to purchase gently used kid-stuff for a fraction of the retail price.  Clothes, toys, baby and kid gear – you name it – I buy it on the cheap.

Tonight, I had the pleasure of introducing my sister, K, to the world of Mommy Consignment sales.  K’s not what you would consider your average bargain shopper, much less one to consider purchasing “used”.  Now, to be honest, K did accompany me to a sale last fall when we just found out about her little bundle of joy.  For the most part, she stuck close to me, just observing, and ever so confused about the aggressive crowds of bargain-hungry Mamas.   This time, she was going to be brave – on the look-out for a few specific items – visible baby-bump on display.   We were hopeful.  We had a plan.  We joked about the possibility of her needing an emergency whistle. 

We pushed forward.  I led her through several racks of not-what-we-were-looking-for as I spotted racks of baby girl clothes across the room.  I alerted K and headed off, leaving her to find her own treasures.  Ten minutes later, K tracks me down in the racks, two baby toys in hand.  She was too confused.  I sighed.  And handed her armloads of clothes and shoes.  I’m pretty sure I outfitted both of my girls for the summer for less than a hundred dollars this weekend.  Also.  SIT AND SPIN!!

Better luck next season, K.  You’ll get the hang of it.

Organic vs. Chemistry: a tale of not-so-dramatic duplicity

My ongoing journey on the “Organic Mommy” trail is a long and winding road littered with countless magazine articles, blogs, and industry propaganda.  To put it honestly: I’m pretty conflicted as to where I’m going to draw my personal line between organic/natural/non-toxic and convenient/cheap/easy.  Beacause really, while the former may eventually improve my family’s quality of life, the latter will help me maintain my sanity. 
 
But what makes me feel the need to choose?  Can I be All-Natural with a side of Better Living Through Chemistry?
 
When I was a kid, in the eighties, living with Mom and Dad – our city started a recycling program when I was in the fourth grade.  I clearly remember having an assembly in school about recycling, and learning about the little triangle with the arrows telling us to “Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle”.  Our family was HUGE into recycling, following all of the rules, rinsing out all the cans and bottles, crushing large plastic bottles to save space in the bin, folding and tying all the cardboard, etc.  It became a habit, and after a while, the burden of the practice didn’t really impact our lives (unless you were the one who had to run the cans and bottles out to the bin in the February sleet).
  
When I went to college, I majored in engineering, chemical engineering to be specific, because I wanted to work with something called a fuel cell.  I think I read about them in National Geographic or something.  Don’t ask.  As a “ChemE” major, I had to take more classes in chemistry, organic chemistry, physical chemistry, and laboratory chemistry than I even want to remember.  And classes on bioengineering and plastics engineering and fuel engineering.  My head swims just thinking about it. 
 
And now I’m a Mom.  And every time I scrub the heck out of the bathtub with some abrasive bleach cleaner, I try not to think of my baby’s bum sitting on that scrubbed, bleached surface.  And what if I didn’t rinse it as well as I thought I did?  Eeek. 

But are natural and/or homemade cleaners as effective?  Will things get clean enough?  And what should I use?  And, after all the research and pondering, will switching to more natural products save me money?  How much time will this cost? 
 
So, Readers, I present to you my first Big Sister challenge: I will (not so) slowly and selectively change my ways and introduce natural cleaning products into my family’s life and document my successes and failures with you.  I’ll be sure to include my products of choice and how much they cost (both time and materials, of course).   Stay tuned: first up, the kitchen!

In the meantime, check out some of my research and the links in this post, let me know what you think – any ideas?