No such thing as a stupid question.

Right?  That’s what your third grade teacher drilled into you, yes?  And I’m here to tell you, that in the mommy-world, it’s absolutely true.  I can’t tell you how many stupid questions about pregnancy, babies, toddlers, hormones, poop, teething, chicken nuggets, etc. I’ve asked in the last 3 years.  It’s been A LOT OF QUESTIONS.  Normally I do some digging first.  Sometimes I reach out in despair.  But my point is, you have to reach out.  Ask your question.  Please.  Because you are never alone.  And no matter if you’re asking your sister or your mom or your college roomie or that girl you knew in high school – someone’s been right where you are, and probably has the answer. Or a shoulder to vent on.

For example:

My big girl is potty training.  We’re a daycare family.  Which means if she has an “accident” (dude – she knows what she’s doing. please.) at 9am – those icky clothes will be sitting around allllll day in her cubby, then her backpack, then my laundry bin, until I get a chance to toss ’em into the wash that night.  The teachers wrap the dirty clothes in plastic bags, which is fine, but a little messy.  So I posed the following question to my personal facebook page for ideas of a better way to do this.  Because today, was not our best potty day today, and honest to betsy, that was one hot mess that I had to deal with.

Wet clothes are gross. How do I fix this?

Some suggestions were sending ziplocs to school for the wet clothes to come home in, search etsy, specific brands of wet bags and where to buy, offers to post for other friends…

So anyway – you can see that my friends 1) are awesome 2) don’t ridicule me for having a poopy kid and 3) know their shit.  {pun}  Which means I get a few of these to save the day.

Super cute, right?

Also, to my working momma friends – please add this to the list of stuff that you eventually will need for daycare.  A really great thing too, if you have a kid that’s prone to blow outs.   So there you go.  A little help from my friends, to yours.  Making this whole motherhood thing a little less WTF.

Up all night long.

There comes a time in every Mom’s life when you are faced with a sick baby.  Dude, it sucks so bad.

I scripted this whole post in my head at 3am on Tuesday morning while I was pacing the hallway with a baby with a double ear infection, a monster fever, teething gums, and a slimy nose.  I was going to offer support and survival tips, and tell my new-mommy-friends to hang in there.  That we’ve all been there.  That the hours seem so long when you’re living them, awake in the middle of the night, alone with a baby.

I woke up to a Sickie McSikerton screaming like a crazy person, totally inconsolable, at 3am.  She refused the offer to lay down with Mommy, she refused the notion of the rocking chair.  The only thing that I could do was jostle her just so, the way that only I can, and pace up and down the hallway, until she drifted off to sleep.

Hours.

I know that they outgrow these sick nights, I know that it is only one night out of a thousand, I know that deep down there’s a part of me that secretly loves holding them so close so that I can smell their sweat and tears and baby smell.

But when it’s 3am, all I can really say is that it sucks so bad.

What’s the Opposite of Blister in the Sun?

Hint – it’s more Casper than Bronzed Goddess.

The Environmental Working Group (EWG) released their 2011 Sunscreen Results today, confusing consumers with the multi-level rating system and scaring the bejesus out of paraben-fearing Moms. 

Here’s my sisterly advice, with a little dose of chemical engineer and environmentalist, but mostly sisterly.  First, I am not a doctor.  Second, I am not a doctor. 

Baby-gait. Go State.

(**I didn’t really mean to talk only about drinking in this post.  Maybe I should think long and hard about that.  Or maybe I should just have a drink.)

In honor of the annual spring football game at my alma mater, I’d like to address a common problem affecting the large majority of my newly-parented friends: The Art of Tailgating: With Children It’s no secret that I’m an alumna of Penn State – a very large and storied University with a legendary football program and an even more legendary tailgating and game-day culture. It’s also no secret that I spent five football seasons at Penn State, and only missed one home game (that’s 31 out 32 possible games attended – I counted – thanks Wiki!). It’s also no secret that as soon as I was legally able (oh who are we kidding here) I tailgated like a champion before each and every one of those games. As we grew more dedicated and experienced with our tailgating habits, as we morphed from freshmen, to seniors, to distinguished alums, we moved on from embarrassingly cheap and watery beer, to less cheap rum (but still cheap – I didn’t say good rum) and cokes, to better beer, to boxed wine, to bloody mary’s complete with garnishes… and the food improved too.

And lo and behold,

Q&A: Pump up the jam.

Our first Q&A from a long-time and extremely loyal reader: 
**disclaimer: As she may or may not be related to me, she may or may not have the distinct “choice” to be anything but a long-time and extremely loyal reader.  Choice is such a strong word…**
 
Dear Awesome Big Sister:
Help!!!
I, of course, need some. What else is new?!
This time regarding pumping after the baby is born… I’m trying to decide what I want to do about buying a pump now that the various baby showers are all done.  One thought I had was to buy a single electric pump (I found a highly rated Medela one for $120) and start pumping right away, in the hopes that I could store enough over the summer to not have to pump at all when I come back to work but still give the baby breast milk for an additional 2-3 months. Does that seem like a dumb idea? Should I just go with something like the one that K got and consider it less expensive than formula anyway? I feel like if I want to dedicate myself to this once I go back to work, I need to buy the double electric expensive one otherwise it won’t be efficient enough.
Love,
Blondie**
 
**disclaimer #2: I may or may not have assigned a permanent Blog Identity Disguise to this person.  Again, “disguise” is such a strong word…**
 
Dear Blondie, 
 

The first hint of spring.

So I’m not going to get all GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL YA’LL  on you – but have you noticed that the past few years, we’ve had very little spring?  As in, one day it’s March and raining and cold, and the next day feels like the middle of August, all hot and muggy and gross and you feel like you missed spring? 

Is that just me?

Anyway – tonight was a spring-like evening.  Very bright and mild.  We had a nice dinner, where the Big Girl ACTUALLY ATE FOOD and the Little Girl wasn’t screaming like a maniac – and there was enough daylight left to go outside and play!!  And there is one thing that never fails to keep everyone entertained, one thing that makes both girls shriek with joy, one thing that never gets old:  BUBBLES. 

I wish I videoed it.  I wish I could remember to get out the little camera-thing in the middle of a massive two-baby giggle-fest with bubbles everywhere.  But I don’t.  I just enjoy it. 

But seriously, bubbles.  Everyone loves bubbles. 

So now, my two magic moves in parenting:

1. When in doubt – take their socks off.  It distracts them and calms you down.  What’s cuter than baby feet?

2. When in doubt – bring on the bubbles.  It distracts them and calms you down.  Seriously, don’t you love bubbles?

A LOT of Responsibility

A Recent Conversation with my Sister that left me in a fit of laughter so intense, I peed a little:

 K: Can you lend me one of Charlie’s baby dolls? I need it for my upcoming childbirth and breastfeeding classes.

M: Sure, and I think Mom has some of our old CabbagePatch dolls, too.

K: Yeah, but I want a nicer doll than those.

M: Do you want Charlie’s American Doll Baby?

K: OOoohh – I don’t know, that’s a lot of responsibility.

M: You know you’re having a REAL baby, right?

RIGHT??